Friday, September 2, 2016
Actually, scratch that. It's more like, "Holy blessings!" complete with big eyes. O_O
My life has changed drastically in the last two days. This is not hyperbole. I never expected such amazing, scary, goodness to come into my life.
Okay, brief background. I have a medical condition that was keeping me from working full time. My spouse and I decided that I should work part time with the hope (my hope) that I would be able to look for a full time job in my field in about a year.
So, what happened is this. I would come home from work every day with my medical condition significantly worse and completely drained of energy. The other day, at work, I thought, is it really worth it? I'm so drained and physically worse that I can't do anything for the rest of the day after getting home. Even short work days wipes me out and makes my condition. The longer the work day the worse it is. That means little to no quality time with my spouse and kid. Let alone doing anything creative, or helping/hanging with friends whom I had to cancel on a few times.
It felt weird to be in that headspace because I spent 10 years, ten years, double digits, a whole freakin' decade of my life, accruing student debt to do what I am doing, and now my body is basically begging me not to. I wondered, How did I get through school? Well, my medical condition did get worse and I was operating under a lot of adrenaline with all the school deadlines and the intense school work.
Now my spouse has said in the past that he would be fine if I never went to work. Of course, I would scoff at that because what was all this for then? But then here I was, face to face with this and realizing, well crap, he's probably right, and where does that leave me? I talked to him about it that very night and my spouse basically said, I don't mind paying for your student debt and if you never work a regular job again. I'd rather have you functional and happy doing creative things.
He meant every word. I was deeply moved. Then I went to an inspiring Wayne Dyer seminar and while there everyone was asked what would they do with their lives if nothing was standing in their way. My answer: write my novels and compose music.
I compared that to the question they had previously asked about how you define yourself (I defined myself by my chosen career) and it hit me. I'm doing the wrong thing. A double major of English and Music was my original plan while in community college with the goal to write stories and music. However, people kept telling me I wouldn't be able to make any money doing that, that I wouldn't be able to make it in life doing those things, so I changed up my plans.
When I expressed the previous paragraph during open discussion at the seminar, one of the facilitators said that sometimes our bodies are trying to tell our conscious minds something that our subconscious mind already knows. I was floored and knew instantly that I had to change up plans again.
Immediately upon arriving home I told my spouse everything. His eyes shined with happiness. He even reiterated that he wanted me to do these creative things for the joy of it and not to focus on the money thing because he doesn't mind supporting me. Interestingly, I had recently finished reading the graphic novel White Sand by Brandon Sanderson. There's a note in the front from the author about how White Sand came about. That's how I discovered that good ol' Sanderson had written several novels before getting published. So, I was, and am, already prepared for not making any money for a long time.
So, I'm going to be quitting my job at the end of the year so I can write. I've already reduced my time at work to two days now to fulfill some obligations. But only two days? That means I can still write more, which I did do today.
I even submitted a short story I had written previously, and finished editing today (the last of several drafts), to Asimov Science Fiction magazine. I hope they accept it! But it's unusual so we'll see.
When I told the kiddo the new plans she was so shocked she literally fell out of her chair and hurt herself doing so. Then she started asking me a bunch of questions about how I was gonna manage my time etc. It was super great even if I didn't have all the answers yet. It's still so new! Gotta work out the kinks and get some advice from the man (read: my epically awesome husband).
So, yeah, my life just completely and drastically changed for the better. I even got into the zone, the flow, where I lost track of time and forgot to eat because I was so into what I was doing today. I haven't done that in so long I don't even remember the last time that happened. It's exciting, and weird, and amazing. I feel like a great weight has lifted off me.
It's time to, "do the thing!" Write! Write! Write!
(Oh yeah, I'll still write that fan fic, but it'll be on the side methinks when I need to break writer's block.)
PS: A cool thing is, that if I feel a call to go back into my field of work later and my medical condition improves, I will still be able to do that!